Doom: The Dire Consequences of Intense Malevolence
by lordvonticklebottom
Summary: Lord von Ticklebottom, a Victorian gentleman and occasional writer, has discovered a new muse in video games and delights to bring you this charming fan fiction! Based on "Doom: Repercussions of Evil" by Peter Chimaera.


The finest of mornings to thee, reader, or if thou dwellest in a locale which is not currently experiencing the morning period, a very fine afternoon or evening. Verily, I have partaken of a wonderous form of recreation, the likes of which the proletariate classes refer to as a 'video game'. This 'video game' was entitled Doom 3, and upon its completion, I was filled with imaginative prose. Possessed of inspiration, I did pen this fictitious document, which the protelariats who are in possession of the Internet have bestowed with the colloquial name of 'fan fiction'. I request that thou reviewest this 'fan fiction' of mine authorship, and do submit thine critiques, that mine authorial talents might thereby be strengthened. Enjoy!

**Doom: The Dire Consequences of Intense Malevolence**

Authored by Lord von Ticklebottom III, Esq.

John Stalvern held a stationary position. The rigorous training he had undergone as a member of the reputable Astrological Cavaliers had impressed upon him a need for patience, for haste was the mark of a roguish and undisciplined gentleman, the likes of which would not be tolerated among the ranks of the honourable Cavaliers. Through his fourteen years of diligent service to the Cavaliers, this had verily become an inextricable component of Stalvern's character.

The futuristic torches positioned above Stalvern on the surface of the ceiling did blink, as though they had suffered a momentary loss of the electricity which enlivened them. Then, with suddenness, the torches emitted a great many sparks, having – if I may be permitted to momentarily partake of the occupational lingo of the astrological engineers – short-circuited. The torches then lost their vitality altogether, casting the room which Stalvern occupied with his person into darkness.

Upon the military-oriented installation whereby Stalvern was stationed as a matter of service to the Astrological Cavaliers, there dwelled entities of a malign and demonic nature. Though Stalvern could not look upon these abominations with his eyes, he knew them to be present, all around him, lurking in the deep recesses of the frightful darkness. He had anticipated their arrival now for many a year. He had attempted to enlighten his superior officer, a gentleman by the name of Johnson, who within the Astrological Cavaliers possessed the rank of Colonel, of the coming of these unsightly creatures. However, Stalvern's tender cautions to the honourable, if sceptical, Johnson had been dismissed out of hand. Stalvern, being the only gentleman within the installation to be knowledgeable of the forthcoming invasion of the abominations, was greatly afeared of their arrival, and he believed it now to be past the time of action.

John recalled his youth, at which time he did lay eyes on and was consumed with awe by the vessels of the Astrological Cavaliers, those formidable mechanical juggernauts which did enable mankind to travel through the vastness of the heavens bedecked in stars. Stalvern had intimated then to his father that he wished to one day become initiated in this splendid organization which permitted the use of these fantastic vessels, but his father had replied most emphatically that he would be under the immediate and immense threat of siege by the very abominations which he now awaited.

"No, my beloved son," Stalvern's father had responded. "Thou must not join the Astrological Cavaliers, for their occupation is most fraught with peril, and I fear thee will be terminated by the multitudes of demonic abominations with which these courageous gentlemen regularly do battle."

But the cautions of Stalvern's protective father had fallen on youthful and ignorant ears, and the overwhelming urge of Master Stalvern to ingratiate himself as a member of the Astrological Cavaliers persisted in his manhood. It was accurate that, in times bygone, Stalvern had earnestly believed the cautions his father had impressed upon him about the existence of such terrible and malevolent creatures. The fear with which the youthful Master Stalvern had been consumed did, however, fade as he matured into a stout gentleman, and eventually abandoned him altogether. Now, Stalvern was conscious that the affirmations of his father had indeed been of a realistic nature, and within the military-oriented installation of the United Aerospace Corporation, the venerable employers of the Astrological Cavaliers, there now lurked demonic entities of such ilk that had once so terrified Stalvern.

At that precise moment, a communication device possessed by Stalvern, and indeed by all of his compatriots within the Cavaliers, called a 'radio' did come alive and emanate sounds of crackling, as of wood following the application of flames. The marvellous radio enabled instantaneous bi-directional conversation between two gentlemen in possession of duplicates of the invention. The gentleman who had taken it upon himself to engage in conversation with Stalvern in this manner was Stalvern's honourable superior officer, Colonel Johnson.

"Verily, I declare that my identity is of the Colonel named Johnson, whose allegiance is to the Astrological Cavaliers," exclaimed Johnson through the radio, creating the impression that the radio itself did speak, rather than the gentleman who possessed it. "It is my inclination that I distribute an order to all available members of the Astrological Cavaliers that they engage these roguish abominations in battle!"

Filled with renewed and magnificent purpose, Stalvern did then seize hold of his weapon, which was a rifle of futuristic construction, capable of firing immensely powerful streams of plasma. This weapon was the standard weapon of the Astrological Cavaliers, and as the military-oriented installation had been set upon by the demonic invaders, Stalvern had kept close hold of this faithful and fearsome weapon. Stalvern did direct its fire at a nearby wall, being watchful of the issuing streams of turquoise-hued energy, for he was conscious of a woeful tale recounted to him by a fellow Cavaliers of a gentleman who, when possessed of some insanity caused by the failure of a dispenser of non-alcoholic drinks, did open fire with his plasma rifle upon his own head, resulting in such complete destruction of the tissues that there was nary a spot of blood to be cleaned away afterwards.

The streams of plasma from Stalvern's rifle did damage the wall upon which was being fired, and following its collapse Stalvern beheld not only a host of common demonic invaders, the likes of which were fearsome to behold but easily dispatched with the application of light gunfire, but also their leader, a towering beast of both organic and mechanical construction by the name of the Cyberdemon, whose visage could inspire fear in even the most courageous of gentlemen.

"Thou pitiful human!" declared the Cyberdemon, "It is my intent to open fire upon thee, that thee might be eliminated from thine mortal plane!"

The Cyberdemon, though a rogue of hellish origin, was honourable to his word and did immediately eject projectiles from the enormous cannons mounted upon his arms in Stalvern's direction with the intention of slaying him. Stalvern, being a stout and athletic Cavalier, did easily evade the Cyberdemon's attack, before returning an attack of his own in the form of a plasma salvo, which he was confident would cause the Cyberdemon to combust spontaneously. However, before the streams of plasma could impact upon their intended target, the ceiling of the room collapsed between Stalvern and his adversaries, perhaps due to the failure of a construction worker to comply with the standards dictated by the OSHA.

This caused Stalvern much anguish, for he was possessed of an intense need to slay the demons and their monstrous leader.

"No!" exclaimed Stalvern. "It is the sworn duty of mine to slay these abominations! I was ordered to this action by my honourable commanding officer, and if it is my final mortal action, I will see my given mission through!"

Just then, Stalvern's radio did once again come to life, though Stalvern was at a loss to identify the voice which spoke from within.

"Nay, Stalvern," said the voice, its tone bespeaking intense malevolence. "It is thou who art the abominations."

The radio was then silent. Stalvern was filled with horror upon hearing the utterances of this sinister communicator. He looked down upon his own person, and saw that the features of the demonic abominations had appeared there. It had transpired that, somehow, without the knowledge of the unfortunate man, Stalvern had transmogrified into an abomination at an unknown time during his expedition. Stalvern cast aside his plasma rifle, for he would no longer require it. He proceeded into the darkness with shambling motions, eager to join his demonic compatriots in waging their war against the mortal kind.

~ THE END ~

And to the reader I now submit a question, for thine musing: Under what possible circumstances could Stalvern have transmogrified into an abomination without his noticing? Or are we to consider the possibility that this tale was recounted from the perspective of a once-human abomination, one who laboured under a delusion that he was still a man and was confronted with the reality of his situation upon encountering his demonic fellows and hearing that mysterious voice upon the radio, the owner of which remains uncertain? If we are to accept the latter explanation as truth, then must that not indicate that the Cyberdemon and his legions encountered by Stalvern were, as a matter of fact, the humans who were stationed upon that installation? Verily, I hath crafted a subtle, many-layered piece of literature that will be studied thoroughly for generations!


End file.
